I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
