Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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