remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
