Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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