Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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