he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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