why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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