Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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