I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
