You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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