if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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