Screwed.edu
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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