went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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