I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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