U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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