he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
