I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
