is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
