so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
