OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
