Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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