I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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