we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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