Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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