If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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