I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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