oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
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Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize