I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
