thus making me awesome and them whores
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
