Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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