I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i love accidental penises.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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