My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
