Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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