I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
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Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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