Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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