Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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