I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You left your phone here
Wait...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize