porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there's paper in my vomit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
