I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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