So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
