I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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