hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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