I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
