they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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