Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
