i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
