What a fucking waste of an outfit
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All the doctor said was why
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
