i just sent this text using only my big toe
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
