My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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