I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
