I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
