just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
