One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
