wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
