I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize