Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
