dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
