We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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