your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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