Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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