my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize