You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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